Ah, Valentine’s Day! Has there ever been a day more laden with potential delight and disappointment? I sometimes think it’s more about the greeting card, chocolate and flower industries than about true love!
It’s what happens on the other 364 days of the year that tells the tale of a relationship. It’s easy to be kind and loving when life is running smoothly. What happens when a personal or professional crisis pushes you over the edge?
At some point in all relationships, there is a crossroads that causes one or both partners to question their future together. It can be a series of events (birth of children, loss of a job, death of family members, a serious health or financial issue) or a gradual disconnection over time. One morning you wake up and wonder who the “stranger” is sleeping next to you. Your lives have been so demanding that you’ve lost touch with each other.
People do change as the years go by. And not just physically. Interests and passions shift too. The qualities and characteristics that you once found endearing are the ones that drive you crazy now. You have nothing to say to the very person you used to talk to for hours on end when you first met. You might start fantasizing about an affair, craving the excitement that comes with getting to know someone new.
How do you rekindle the spark?
A lot depends on the stage you’re at in your life. It’s easier to find time for each other once your children are grown and out of the house, but there’s no need to wait til then. Here’s some tips to get you started.
- choose (together) to make your relationship a priority
- set aside time for each other
- appreciate, acknowledge and act
Over the years, we tend to set our primary relationship on the back burner, taking for granted that our partner will always be there. Starting today, change that! Take a moment to sit down and talk about what your relationship and your partner mean to you. Decide together that you want to make your relationship a priority in the coming year. The act of making this commitment will bring you closer together.
Take a look at your busy schedules and block off time each week to spend with each other. See it as a “date”, just like you used to have when you first met. It’s a chance to get to know each other again. On your date, do something fun together. It doesn’t have to be expensive. It can be simple like going for a walk holding hands. Or meeting for a picnic on your lunch break from work. The challenge is making sure that other demands don’t sneak in and take over your time together.
Every day, appreciate one thing about your partner. Find a way to express it – say it out loud (or whisper it in his or her ear), tuck a note into a pocket. Show with your actions how much they mean to you today, tomorrow …
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