Throw Out Those New Year’s Resolutions!

Yep, you heard me. Those resolutions that you set on January 1 and you’re struggling so hard to achieve, toss them out!

According to statistics recently published in Journal of Clinical Psychology, 45% of Americans usually make New Year’s resolutions. And only 8% are successful at achieving them.  The top three resolutions for 2012 were

• losing weight
• getting organized
• spending less and saving more

Sound familiar?

If you want 2013 to be the year you finally make it happen, here’s some simple tips to get you started.

1. Identify one goal you want to accomplish and set a reasonable timeline.

By setting just one goal and focusing on it, you are likely to experience more success (and feel less overwhelmed!) It’s also important to be reasonable in setting your timeline. Trying to lose 30 lbs. in 7 days is not healthy, let alone manageable, so be willing to take small consistent steps toward your goal.

2. Take time to understand why this goal matters to you. 

What will it bring into your life that you don’t have now? Envision the moment when you achieve your goal. How will you feel? Who will you share your accomplishment with? Picture it in vivid detail. Having a strong sense of purpose will help you stay motivated during the times of challenge.

3. Find your own personal cheerleader, someone who will help you stay focused.

Your cheerleader is someone who believes in you and your dream, and who is willing to be there for you. It’s someone you will listen to (and believe) when they say, “Yes, you can!” This person may be a friend or colleague, perhaps someone you can provide cheerleading support for in return. It may also be a coach or other professional you meet with regularly to stay on track.

4. Develop an action plan, and break it down into simple steps.

Once you know your goal and timeline, write down some of the steps you can take toward it. Break it down into weekly or even daily goals and steps. By taking one step each day, you will make steady progress toward your goal.

5. Share your plan with your cheerleader and … take the first step!

Check in regularly with your cheerleader to give updates and ask for help as needed. You don’t have to do this alone. In fact, it’s a lot more fun to work together.

Are there any other tips that have worked for you? Leave a comment so we all can benefit from your experience!

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Beyond The Comfort Zone

Even though I coach clients in attaining their dreams and goals, sometimes I need a hands-on experience to reinforce this for myself.

When my son was visiting in the summer, we introduced him to rock climbing. He loved it, and we ended up going several times a week. Toward the end of his visit, he challenged me to try something I’d never done before. He said he’d pay for a 10-pass package when I was able to climb a 5.7 wall.

At that point, I was stretching my abilities to climb 5.5 and 5.6 walls. But I’m always up for a challenge, particularly when it comes from one of my kids.

He added that it could be done anytime. I stood there for a moment, thinking. Then I turned around and examined the 5.7 wall that he had just climbed. Something in my body said, “You can do this.”

I turned back around and looked him in the eye. “You’re on,” and I started to climb.

It wasn’t easy, but I did make it to the top. When I came back down to the ground, I held out my hand and said, “Pay up!”

He did. And then he said, “I tell you what. When you can climb a 5.8 wall, I’ll buy you another 10-pass package.”

He really should know better than to challenge me like that!

I’ve been trying 5.8 walls ever since, usually giving up a third or a half of the way up. They’re difficult!

I’d begun to despair of every being able to do it when … I found a 5.8 climb on the really high wall (over 30′ high). I’d never looked there before, because most of the climbs on that wall are 5.10 – 5.11, w-a-y beyond my ability. But, once again, my body told me that I could do this particular climb.

The first time I tried it, I managed to get more than halfway up before I got stuck. Everything was out of reach. I couldn’t see any way of getting higher, and my muscles were trembling with the effort to hold myself in place. I gave up. But I kept thinking about it.

The next time we went climbing, I made that wall my goal.

I clambered up the first section with ease and got past the outcropping. Soon I was back at the place where I’d been stuck before. There had to be a way. I tried reaching one arm almost out of its socket, but couldn’t grasp the next handhold. I tried moving one foot up to the next spot, but couldn’t make it.

The only option was to let go of everything and leap upward, reaching with my left hand and trusting it would land on the handhold.

I took a deep breath, and leaped.

My fingers closed around the hold and I scrambled to find foot holds.

The next step was out of reach too, so I took another leap … and made it.

And so it continued until I was within 2 feet of the top. I was stuck again.

By this point, my entire body was shaking, my fingers and wrists were throbbing, and I was out of breath. But I was soooo close to getting that 10-pass package!

I took a deep breath and told myself that I was not climbing this wall again. It was now or never. I imagined the delight of telling my son that I’d met his challenge. I pictured myself holding the top handhold and pumping my fist into the air in triumph. And somewhere, deep inside, I found the energy to reach a little more and make it to the top.

Yes, I heard the theme from Rocky!! And then I glanced down to let my partner know I was ready to come down. Gulp! He looked so far away. That’s when I realized how high I’d climbed.

When my feet hit the ground, I crumpled to my knees. I had nothing left. But it was worth it!!

I learned that day that … it’s only by reaching, stretching, and taking leaps of faith that the “impossible” becomes possible.

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A Reason to Celebrate!

I was notified last week by my publisher that my book, Dream BIGGER: Reclaiming a Life of Joy and Ease, has received the Reader’s Choice Award. This is the top award category from iUniverse and is only given to books that have good sales AND have already achieved Rising Star and Editor’s Choice status. Three cheers for Dream BIGGER!

The recognition is also based on reviews on Amazon and similar sites. I’ve had positive reviews from readers ever since the book was published. It continues to make its way around the world, reaching out and touching many lives along the way.

I’m curious to know how many of my blog followers have read it. If you have, what was the highlight in the book for you? If you haven’t read it yet, hey, maybe it’s time you did!!

In other news, for those of you living in Waterloo Region, I’ll be sharing tips from Dream BIGGER in my workshop on October 25 in Cambridge, Ontario. It’s part of the Confident Women speaker series and I’d love to see you there.

My dream for the past two years has been to help 100,000 people achieve their dreams. With the book, the workshops and this blog, my dream is becoming reality.

What is needed for you to achieve your dream? How can I help?

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The Promise of Beginning

Do not wait until the conditions are perfect to begin.
Beginning makes the conditions perfect.”
~Alan Cohen~

How many dreams sit in a state of perpetual limbo? Do you have dreams, ideas or goals that you’ve put on the shelf, waiting for the moment when all the planets align? Maybe you’ve been telling yourself that you’ll pursue your dream of going to school, starting your own business, or travelling when … the kids are older, you’ve saved some money, the mortgage is paid, you’ve retired, or you can find someone to look after your pets.

Days, weeks, months and years slide past and still that dream sits quietly in the corner, its voice dimming to a faint whisper over time.

If your heart yearns for something different in your life, what are you waiting for? The circumstances will never be “perfect”. It’s only in taking the initial steps that the door opens and you are able to see your way forward.

Begin. Take steps.

Beginning holds the promise of all that is to come.

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Make It About Something Bigger Than Yourself

I recently read an interview by Rana Florida with Andre Agassi, the former tennis star. In it, he was discussing his views on achieving success. I was delightfully surprised to notice how his approach echoes the Dream Bigger philosophy.

For Agassi, it’s all about relationships and connecting with people who share your values. It’s also about focusing on something bigger than you, going beyond your own wants and needs.

“When I realized that I wasn’t born to play tennis, that I was made to play tennis, I searched for other things to which I felt more deeply and emotionally connected. Like education. I then made tennis part of that work. Anyone can do this with any job. If you don’t love the task at hand per se, make it about your family, make it about serving others, make it about simply being conscientious. Make it about something other than your own fleeting wants and needs, work at it with everything you’ve got, and then stand back–the results will be magic.”

He emphasizes the importance of having a support system, at least one person who understands you and is there for you, through the moments of success and the challenges of failure. He stresses that having a mentor (counselor, teacher, coach, friend) is vital and even more important than the amount of time you invest in perfecting your skills.

Agassi also points out that it’s about the experience – the process itself – not the end goal. He suggests that, by being present to what’s unfolding, you will find peace. He says that peace, not success, is the ultimate goal of any undertaking.

But, don’t take my word for it! You can read the rest of this inspiring interview on HuffPost Business.

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Opening The Dream Door

Lately I’ve been working very hard to move forward in the direction of my dreams. Yes, I’ve read my own book (and I’m following the steps). Yes, I’ve envisioned the outcome and made my action plan. And, yes, I’ve been taking steps each day.

I do believe the outcome is within reach. I’m just not there yet. Can you identify?

It seems that, for all the doors I open, there are as many that close or partially close. It can be discouraging to feel like I’m not making any progress. I go back to my list and look at all the steps I’ve taken and I realize that I have come a long way.

Still, I’m waiting for the open door. The one that opens with ease and welcomes me forward.

It may be one of the doors that is currently closed. Or one that is partially open. It may also be an entirely different door, one that I’m not even aware of yet.

What I do know is that the timing needs to be right, and if the door isn’t open yet, then there are some details that need to be put in place before that can happen.

And so I continue to prepare, knowing that, soon, the door will open and when it does, I’ll be ready to step on through.

How about you? What stage are you at on the road to your dreams?

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Change Your Life in Three Months!

As children head back to school, September is a great month for all of us to look at how we’re doing in terms of the goals we set for ourselves this year. Are you where you hoped to be by this point in 2012? If you were to set new goals, where would you like to be by December?

This is your opportunity to end the year on a positive note. Here are a few basic tips to help you get there.

1. Prioritize one or two areas that you’d like to focus on in the next three months. Why are these areas important to you? What will improving these areas bring into your life?
2. Set achievable goals. Be specific about what you intend to achieve and set a deadline (December 1, Christmas, December 31).
3. Create an action plan. Look at your goals and make a list of steps you can take to get there. Break the list down into steps you’ll take each week.
4. Include some fun time in your plan. If you’re going to work hard at achieving your goals, make sure you have some fun along the way.
5. Ask for support from a friend, family member or colleague. Be sure to choose someone who is truly supportive and will provide positive reinforcement of your plans.
6. Get started! Pick one step you can take today. Each day take another step. Track your progress and celebrate each mini-goal that you reach and pass.

Believe that you can make positive changes in your life and then, just do it!

*****

I’ll be discussing this in more detail on KW Magazine with John Maciel on CKWR FM 98.5 on Wednesday, September 12 at 6:30 p.m. (EDT). Do listen in!

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Farewell Summer, It’s Been An Adventure!

“And summer’s lease hath all too short a date…”

William Shakespeare

It’s Labour Day and you know what that means … summer is unofficially over. Sure, the official start of fall isn’t for a few more weeks, but for those with children, cottages, boats or trailers, holidays come to an end later today. Sigh!

How was your summer? Was it filled with memorable moments and dream-worthy experiences? Today’s a good day to reflect back on all the joy and pleasure you had. Tuck the memories (and photos) away for cold winter nights when the wind is howling and the snow is falling.

It’s time to look ahead to the fall and winter. What goals do you have – personal and professional? What dreams do you want to fulfill? Today is also a good time to take a look at where you want to go from here. By putting some thought into it now, you’re more likely to achieve the outcomes you desire.

I had the perfect summer with lots of sailing, both my kids home, and plenty of planned and unexpected adventures. It was everything I’d dreamed of and more.

So as I look ahead to the fall, I know I can’t top what just happened. Instead, I’m setting some professional goals and planning on crossing off a few more personal dreams from my Fun List.

How about you? Share some of your thoughts in the comment space. I’d love to hear from you!

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Raising The Bar

Sometimes I get a bit complacent about my life so it helps to be challenged once in a while. I’ve had a fair bit of that this summer with both my kids home for a visit. They seem to know just how to push my buttons and get me going. They also know how I tend to create limits for myself that aren’t based on anything real.

A great example occurred a few weeks ago when we went rock climbing. Grand River Rocks is a wonderful indoor rock climbing facility and I wanted to introduce both my son and daughter to it. They got so hooked that they decided to find local facilities when they returned to their homes away from home (Hong Kong and Australia).

On this particular day, my son was trying all the hardest climbs he could find (5.9, 5.10 rating) and succeeding at most of them. As I watched his determination, I decided to give myself a challenge. There was one climb (rated 5.6) that had been defeating me in recent weeks. The first half of a climb was fairly straightforward, but then the wall jutted out. Whenever I tried it, my arms and legs seemed a few inches too short to reach the hand and toe holds beyond the outcropping.

Up I went. Remembering my son’s example, I pushed myself harder than normal. I nearly fell, but I made it to the top. What a feeling!

I was pumped then so I eyed another climb (also 5.6) that I’d never been able to finish. Ta-daa! Piece of cake.

Realizing I was on a roll, I glanced at the one beside it. Hmmm, it had tiny hand and toe holds, an outcropping and then it wrapped around a weird thing that looked like a turtle’s shell. Halfway up, I nearly gave up. From far below, I heard my partner call to my son and daughter to come and watch. Determined to impress my kids, I grappled with the next section.

Nearly there …

I was exhausted when I reached the top, but when I saw the look of pride and amazement in my kids’ eyes, it was worth every bruise along the way.

The day wasn’t over yet. We were all getting tired when my eye caught sight of another climb. It was rated 5.7, harder than anything I’d climbed before. My son and I analyzed it carefully, and up I went. At one point, I was clinging to the wall using my knees, elbows, shoulders as well as every toe and finger … and sheer will power (or is that “wall” power??) The top was in sight, but it meant letting go with my hands while pushing up with my feet and desperately trying to grab one hand hold before I lost my balance.

I did it, and continued to the top even though every muscle in my body was now shaking.

I’ve thought about that climb a lot since. It’s a wall I didn’t think I could conquer. It was harder than anything I’d ever done before. I had no previous experience to turn to for motivation or confidence. And still I did it.

That’s the dream bigger spirit. Reaching beyond where your mind thinks you can go.

We all have walls in our lives that we think we can’t get past. What’s your 5.7 wall? Maybe it’s time to start climbing.

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The Story Behind The Story

Part of the inspiration for writing Dream BIGGER: Reclaiming a Life of Joy and Ease came from an experience I had in Costa Rica ten years ago. I was staying in a small beachfront hotel and it was really hot. I desperately wanted to go swimming but there was one gigantic wave getting in my way.

About ten feet from shore, the seemingly flat water began to rise, gathering momentum and height until it peaked, hovered and then came crashing down in a single, thunderous, frothing wave, racing toward the beach.

The Wave

The first time I ventured out into the water, the wave caught me by surprise and sent me tumbling onto the beach with such force that it nearly ripped my bathing suit off my body. The water pummeled me from behind and streamed over me as it ebbed, dragging me back into the ocean. Eyes covered in sand, I clawed my way farther up on the beach and then rolled onto my back, gasping for air.

I felt battered and bruised. I wanted to give up, but I also wanted to go swimming.

Tip #1: Your goal must be your top priority.

It seemed like an impossible task, but I could see other people playing in the calmer water beyond the wave. I realized that I needed a strategy.

Tip #2: You need a plan.

Readjusting my swimsuit, I stood up and analyzed the situation. As I strode out into the water,  I kept my eyes focused on the wave and began to synchronize my movements with the water.

Tip #3: Work with what you’ve got.

As the wave rose, I leaped forward and started to swim straight into it.

Tip #4: Take action.

The water descended, briefly engulfed my head, and then released me like a cork popping off a champagne bottle. I was floating in the stillness behind the wave.

I had achieved my goal!

Tip #5: Enjoy your success! 

I often think back to that moment when life pulls my feet out from underneath me and brings me to my knees. Events like losing a job, unexpected expenses, health problems, divorce or the death of a loved one wear us down like a series of tidal waves. It’s tempting to let the water gradually bury us in the sand. We become shell people – looking the same on the outside, but inside there’s emptiness because we’ve simply disappeared.

Sometimes we find the strength to pull ourselves back up to our knees again, but no farther. Watching from the shore, we settle for living a half-life and we convince ourselves that it’s good enough.

What if there was another way? Instead of giving up on your dreams, or settling for less, what if you stood up, brushed yourself off, and dreamed bigger? What could happen then?

That’s what Dream BIGGER is all about – inspiring stories of ordinary people who have done just that, and their insights into what helped them make their dreams a reality.

Tip # 6: Inspire others by sharing your story.

*****

For the month of May, Dream BIGGER: Reclaiming a Life of Joy and Ease is featured in Barnes & Noble’s Rising Star Special Collection. So, if you have a dream, now’s the time to buy! The demand and traffic on this page is watched and followed by the B&N national buyer when considering stocking a title in the B & N chain of stores. Buying a copy will not only help you manifest your dream … you’ll be helping me achieve one of mine – helping 100,000 people live the life of their dreams!

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